Non-Jews are for practice
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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