it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
