I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
