This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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