guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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