I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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