The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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