Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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