I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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