honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
