I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
