Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
