Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
