yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
