Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
