lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
