we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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