we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
