They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
