I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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