who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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