Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
