Quick, to the slutcave!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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