i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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