I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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