Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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