it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
