I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You ruined the universe
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
