Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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