He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
