Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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