Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
