Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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