Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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