Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
