Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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