Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
