Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
