and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
