I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
