So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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