Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
