K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
