he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
