im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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