I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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