He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
