If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
