More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Alive.
So much puke
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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