seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
