I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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