How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
