a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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