My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
