have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
