you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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