I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
