First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
