3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't put those talents on a resume
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
