if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
