I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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