dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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