That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
