are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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