So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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