The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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