Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
