you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
