She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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