btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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