i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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