ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
