just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
