I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
