Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
