I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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