i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
