I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
