Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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