a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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