right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
