I hate all girls vehemently.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's just like the Real World with babies
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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